Saint Mother Teresa once said that "children are like flowers, how can there possibly be too many?" I agree, and I think one can compare the homeschooled child to a flower in a window box. Sometimes, those who are not familiar with homeschooling tend to draw the conclusion that these little ones are stuck in their homes all day without any "exposure to the real world" and while that may be true to an extent--homeschoolers generally retain a childhood innocence far longer than their peers--they aren't necessarily "sheltered" to the point at which they lack a knowledge of the world around them. 

You see, they're like flowers in a window box. The window box flower is free to feel the wind, that rushing of the times and trends and music on its leaves. 

The window box flower can feel the rain, whether it be soft and cool, or warm and torrential, and even if it is artificial rain that comes from the master of the house during a drought. 

Window box flowers are free to grow, to climb, to bend and coil, to become who and what they truly are, but always remain safely rooted in that box.

These little plants can feel the warmth of the sun and will naturally grow toward its light. 

They also experience the blistering summer heat, or the frigid cold of winter; perhaps at times the flower box might be removed from its spot and tucked safely inside, but only if the threat is severe. 

These flowers may be visited by a great assortment of creatures large and small; the lizard, the frog, flying insects, hummingbirds and passing deer may all pay their respects.  They are not limited to socialization with a specific peer group. 

But most of all, window box flowers are a reflection of their keeper and a gift of beauty and growth to those who dwell there. 

I don't have the patience for that!

We've been homeschooling for about two years now; longer, if you count birth through pre-kinder. And the number one response I get when people find out we're homeschoolers is "I don't have the patience for that!"

I just want to encourage anybody who wants to homeschool but doesn't think they have the patience, or intellect, or supermom-ness. That you DO have the patience and probably more!  Here's a list of things that homeschooling moms never ever have to deal with that you probably do on a daily basis:

1. Waking up at a designated hour. Probably before dark! Just go ahead and cross that off the list in the homeschooling world. Unless of course you're going on a really cool field trip or to an early religious service or you're some weirdo who likes to be up and at 'em. No. Just. No.

2. Getting dressed in the morning according to anybody else's standards. No uniforms here unless they're self-enforced!

3. School busses or school drop offs. 'Nuff said.

4. Permission slips.

5. Backpacks. Backpack checking. Backpack purchasing. Backpack labeling. Backpack theft?

6. Homework. Errrr. wait.... But it's different at home. I swear.

7. Weird *math* homework. I thought this one differed from generic homework. I know it's controversial. Regardless on where you stand on the new-fangled common core math stuff, if you homeschool, you can choose the funny new style or the old style. Woohoo for math autonomy!

8. School fundraising. While I think most people agree that it's a necessary and good thing to raise money for school, it can be kind of a pain, right? Bye bye door to door Tupperware and candy bar sales!

9. That one kid at school who taught your kid the f-bomb. Okay I don't know if that really happens. I just made that one up. But if you really want to you can totally shelter your kids and they will have no clue about what it's like in the real world! *snort*

10. Fees for things. There's a fee for lots of things I hear, from my mom-friends who think they don't have as much patience as me. You only pay fees for things you want to pay fees for!

See. I don't have the patience to send them to school!

Those Little Hands

Those hands are five. Sometime, between the chubby baby fingers and what will certainly someday be graceful and lady-like, those hands turned five. As often as I possibly can, I put them in mine, I put them to my face while you sleep and look at the last remaining traces of 'little' girl there in those hands. If I look closely I can see the remnants of dimpled knuckles and rings of delightful fluff on your wrists. I can remember them clenched and bright pink, gripping a single index finger. The grip has loosened now. Peeling grape-scented nail polish attempts to cover the nails with dirt caked under them. Those hands like to dig, to trace your name in the dirt, to build sand castles and turn over seashells on the beach. Those hands pick flowers and timidly poke June bugs. Those fingers are often scraped and pricked and embedded with splinters. In a single day they can be clean and filthy and clean again. So busy-- they attempt needlepoint and sandwich-making, they have created thousands of artistic masterpieces that made you so proud. Sometimes those hands get you in trouble, don't they? Remember when they colored on the wall? Remember when they insisted on touching the wet paint in the living room? And remember when they didn't want to be held while we crossed the street? Yes, hands tend to do those things sometimes. Keep them busy with good things, little girl, so they don't get you into too much trouble.

I know they're only going to grow, but please remember to always keep them this way, okay? They won't ever be too big to hold my hand, to hold your daddy's hand. Don't worry about them getting muddy, or later, wrinkled; don't ever stop playing. And they're going to age even more with work. Don't let this scare you. The most important people will know that the age spots and wrinkles and dirty finger nails from work, from the garden, from building things in the sand, are more beautiful than a pricey manicure. Still, don't forget that it's okay to pamper them sometimes too! It's okay if they need to soak in paraffin, or to uncork a bottle of wine now and then.

Someday those little peeling grape-scented nails may get a treatment more fitting to a grown lady. Maybe someday you'll have a ring just like mine, in place of that little trinket with the pink cubic zirconium you love so dearly now. That ring will mean a lot; make sure you love the hands that give it to you more than the jewelry itself.

Someday maybe those hands will learn to be really good at something. And listen, it doesn't matter what it is. Whether they become skilled surgical instruments, or swift typing tools that transfer your thoughts to the world; whether you use them for gesturing as you speak, or keep them folded in humble prayer all your life; whether they paint or sculpt eternally, and even if they only ever do the simple tasks of preparing food, sorting laundry, wiping little baby orifices and patting little backs at all hours of the day and night; remember to put all your love into whatever they do.

Those beautiful hands are an extension of you. And today, they are five.

Book Review- "The Apostolate of Holy Motherhood"

I recently came across this book at the suggestion of an e-friend. This book was written by an anonymous woman (she calls herself "Mariamante") who, at the time, was young mother with three small children. She claimed to have had a series of several visions of the Blessed Mother and Christ in the mid-1980s. In these visions, the Blessed Mother and her Divine Son revealed several pieces of useful advice (practical, literal, and spiritual) for mothers-- specifically for mothers of young children-- to carry out their lives as wives and mothers in the way that God designed it to be fulfilled. The woman who had these visions was told to write down everything she received during her visions, and thus the book, "The Apostolate of Holy Motherhood," was born.

(You can purchase this HERE or on Amazon.com)

A summary of the major points (taken directly from the introduction in the book) is as follows:

1. An Apostolate of mothers consecrated to the Mother of God for the glory of God
2. Pursuit of the Divine Will in their lives
3. Contemplative prayer
4. Eucharistic Adoration
5. Practice of evangelical purity
6. Devotion to the Christ Child (Esteem and Appreciation for children)
7. Devotion to the Holy Family (Communication of the faith to their children
8. Fifteen decade Rosary daily
9. Wearing of the Scapular and the Sacred Heart Badge
10. Intense sacramental life, frequent Confession and Communion
11. Devotion to the Sacred and Immaculate hearts
12. Practice of the Nine First Fridays and Five First Saturdays, reparation for sin
13. Devotion to duty
14. Fidelity to the Holy Father, the Magisterium, and all the teachings of the Church (both faith and morals)
15. Upholding of all the moral teachings of the Church
16. Prayers for purity in the world

To me, this book was both necessary and difficult to read. In an age when the task of raising children is often left to daycares and public schools; and when children are often shooed to the television or placed in front of computers or video games rather than engaged by their parents, the words given to "Mariamante" in these visions provide poignant and practical ways to salvage the souls and precious innocence of children and families. An equally present theme in this book is the idea that the role of wife and mother should not be diminished or regarded as less valuable when there is no outside income being brought into the home.  This is not to say that we should be held in regard above our husbands, but that the role and responsibility of the mother is incredibly important to our children, and by default, to the Church and to society as a whole.

The author of the foreward writes:

It is of great concern to all to save the Chrisian home at a time when Satan is using every nefarious and insidious propaganda to lure women away from their responsibilities and belittles the role of Motherhood, all of which is the devil's way of destroying woman, the home (a domestic church), and the family-- the basic unit of society.

One thing that makes this book really hit home is the fact that it was written in relatively modern times. Scores of child-rearing experts have said in numerous books that parents should strictly limit television, that we should respond to our children's misbehavior with compassion and prudence, and that we should be careful to spend time playing- and praying- with our young ones; but hearing those words from the Christ-child Himself, as well as from His Blessed Mother, will strike a chord in any reader that is intimate, personal, and magnificently practical.  This book is exceedingly "Catholic" in the sense that it gives the reader a direct path to melding prayer with daily life.

I was fortunate to get a few reviews from some other moms who have also read the book. Here is what they said:

Lynne writes: I first found the book when my oldest three were the ages of the visionary's children. I was looking frantically on the web for a novena to the Holy Spirit before Pentecost. The children were so active, and I was so tired; I truly needed those gifts!. As i read it, the book spoke volumes to my heart, which was heavy at the time balancing motherhood with my own life's ambitions and spirituality. While the tenets of the apostolate are easily things that a good Catholic mother probably does anyway ( or at least aspires to do!) the tasks are explained by Christ and His Blessed Mother in an entirely new and refreshing light. Burdens become joys and the everyday stresses of motherhood are turned into opportunities for immense spiritual growth and great graces to be earned not only for herself, but for her husband and children as well. We are led to realize the profound plan God has for the next generation of Catholics, and that He has called each of us, as mothers, to assist Him in fulfilling it! I've bought dozens of copies of the Apostolate of Holy Motherhood and have given them to practically every mother I know. I use it as a reference for myself now, reading passages over and over again when I need spiritual clarity and support. In short, it is wonderful and I recommend it highly.

Barbara writes: I think it's excellent, inspiring and beautiful. I strongly recommend it to young mothers. I don't question that this woman HAD her experiences, but I do not relate to God in the same way she does, so her spirituality is interesting to me. 
I really loved the core message-- to pray, to love God, to suffer well.


Andi writes: I just read most of the book this afternoon and WOW! That hit home. It did feel like a reiteration of what a lot of saints have said, but the Lord knows we need to keep hearing it over and over in every generation. What struck me most was how Mary said that because of materialism many children are being spiritually neglected and that is even worse than physical neglect because the child could end up losing the Kingdom of God. Lots to pray and reflect on.

Suffering and Peace

I was not raised Catholic. In fact, at 29 years old, I am only into my third year of being a confirmed Catholic. My journey into the Catholic faith was, in some ways, long and slow; throughout my childhood and adolescence I met some great Catholic people who seemed to have something that I did not, despite my fervent evangelical belief in Christ. Although deep down I believed that their faith was a skewed version of genuine Christianity, I always hoped that maybe they had “accepted Jesus” as Savior and would join me, and my evangelical friends, in Heaven one day. Many people know that my husband was raised Catholic and assume that I converted because I “had” to. But in fact, the opposite is true. You see, my husband was a poorly catechized, lapsed Catholic who knew and felt apathetically about his faith. In hindsight, this was a blessing, as I probably would not have married him (and he definitely would not have married me!) had he been outrageously passionate about Catholicism. 

After our first “legal” wedding and a short stint at community college, we attended university together some 300 miles away from our parents. For three years, we worked, went to classes, studied, went to the beach, and otherwise had a jolly old time. We lived a typical college life, subsisting on cheap college food and regularly imbibing in the cheapest beer and wine available. Those were wonderful, carefree times! Spiritually we were in somewhat of a limbo; although our coursework was difficult, life was easy; we were both science majors and I, at least, had all but abandoned my Christian upbringing and was leaning toward Gnostic ideals. I don’t think my manly husband had given his own religion or spirituality much thought. During our senior year, however, we decided it was time to get pregnant. Not knowing whether, or where, my engineer-major of a husband would be employed, we took a chance and tried to conceive in the fall semester of our senior year, knowing that even if I got pregnant right away, the baby would be born right after his graduation.  To our great joy, we conceived that first month! For the next several weeks, I had an uneventful and perfect pregnancy. There was some mild nausea and fatigue, but it was otherwise simple and joyful. Like many zealous first-time parents-to-be, we announced our news to the world without blinking or even considering the possibility of something going wrong. We were due on June 6, 2008.

My first prenatal appointment was scheduled at 10 weeks, a few days after my birthday. We were thrilled at the prospect of finally seeing an image of our child. What a lovely birthday present that would be!

At 10am on a Tuesday morning in November, our happy lives came to a screeching halt. Without any definable cause or warning, the ultrasound revealed that our baby’s heart had stopped beating. I was immediately scheduled for a D&C, and after a whirlwind and groggy-drug-infused 24 hours, I was no longer pregnant.

I can’t even describe the magnitude of grief that we felt.  The following days and weeks were consumed with emptiness, tears, questions, and futile attempts of understanding why such an innocent life had to stop.  Why did this happen to us? Why did this happen to our unblemished beautiful innocent baby? Our college friends were there and tried to comfort us, but they didn’t know; they had never experienced that kind of loss. Our families were hundreds of miles away; we were all alone; we only had each other.  Even then, I wondered if my husband knew how it felt to be me, to have carried that precious baby for nearly three months, only to have it all ripped away so suddenly.  Did his heart ache like mine did?  Despite our very different genders and grief patterns, Andrew and I clung to each other, cried together, and watched useless 80s comedies to pass the time together.

I was lying in my bed one night, wondering, weeping, trying to sleep, when a source of comfort hit me like a ton of bricks. In a flash of clarity and peace, I thought of the one woman in history who had also lost her only innocent, spotless, child: the Blessed Virgin Mary.

What I experienced over the next few days and weeks would change my life forever.  Whenever that raw, painful, uncontrollable sadness would well up within me, I was reminded of the suffering that SHE went through, two millennia ago. I thought of the fact that Christ, on the day of his crucifixion, was just as pure and innocent as He was at the moment of his conception. As if that were not enough, His lingering suffering was done voluntarily, for us. I thought of His mother, watching in agony as her undeserving Child was brutally scourged, forced to carry that tree, bloody and tortured, and then sacrificed not because of His own faults, but for the faults of all humankind.  And still He was as innocent as a newborn babe. I realized that any kind of pain or grief that I might face in this life was also experienced by Jesus and his Holy Mother. Rather than asking those unanswerable questions of "Why?", I chose to dwell in that contemplative place of Christ's Passion; this brought an indescribable peace and comfort. While my own sadness over the loss of my child was still present, meditating on Christ and His holy Mother always brought with it the knowledge that my own pain, and the pain of my husband and family, was not in vain; and that WE are loved by a compassionate Creator, who chose to bring redemption into the world through Jesus' suffering.

            If nothing else, I realized that we are not alone in our suffering. We are not alone in the universe. Even further, our suffering has the capacity (if we let it) to unite us more fully to Christ's heart. When it seems that nobody can possibly understand our grief, our physical pain, our despair over relationships or daily struggles, or our anxieties, we can remember that our human suffering brings with it a glimpse into the very heart of Jesus, into the very soul of His Mother, and into the mind of God our Father. 

Homeschool!

My husband and I have recently come to the decision to homeschool our children. Although my oldest, who just turned four years old today, is not yet officially old enough to enter public preschool, (they have to be four by September first) I have begun a small preschool curriculum with her this year.  So far, it is going well!  We have already hit our share of bumps in the road; we've fallen behind, changed our schedule, jumped ahead, changed the schedule again, and made spur-of-the-moment field trips!  Hopefully, by the end of this year, I'll have some of the finer details ironed out and will be closer to the advice-giving end of the homeschooling mom spectrum, rather than in the "I have no clue what I'm doing" realm of the homeschool world. =)

We do have a spare room downstairs that I had hoped to convert into a "school" room by the time we officially started lessons this fall, but alas, the room is still cluttered with empty boxes from the move, spill-over from the laundry room, and it is devoid of any storage- or school-related furniture. Perhaps over the next few weeks (or months?) I will make some progress and will post pics as we go along.

Reflecting the Silversmith

I haven't posted anything in a while, and hadn't intended to write this morning, but something our associate pastor said yesterday in his homily is still ringing in my head. Without getting into too much detail, my husband and I have been dealing with some extraordinary stress in our separate lives as well as in our marriage. (Don't worry, it isn't anything terribly tragic or marriage-threatening!) Consequently, I have not focused much time on blogging as we have both been focusing most of our energy into our current strange pile of conunundrums (some stemming from friends' problems and extended family, if ya know what I mean.) and life-decisions. Our lives have been emotionally draining and physically tiring.  We are both learning to be patient with each other and trying our darndest to make good decisions right now.

Father Alex gave a great homily yesterday, but the most eye-opening part of it was his comparison of us, Christians, to pieces of silver with God as a silversmith. He talked about the way silver is purified so that it can be made into something beautiful. The silver is put into fire that is extremely hot, it is melted down so much that it has no solid form. The Silversmith works with the silver, removing all impurities until finally, at the end, the metal is so pure that He can see His reflection in the silver!

Isn't that a lovely musing? Sometimes our circumstances may be painful, or we may feel the sting and difficulty of removing vices or habitual sins from our lives; but the intended goal is not simply to experience these things, but to allow us to fully reflect our Creator. It is such a simple metaphor but one that I, personally, needed to hear with all that is going on in my own life. Let us go about each day, knowing that our problems and our struggles are not in vain!